Living with the Alcoholic at Christmas

sara carson
Dec 23, 2025
3 min read

When the Festive Spirit Meets Alcohol:

Coping with a Drunk Relative - Without Losing Yourself

Christmas often brings cheer, laughter, and celebration. But for many families, it also brings alcohol — sometimes too much of it. A drunk relative at the table can turn joy into tension, leaving the atmosphere heavy with anxiety, embarrassment, or dread. And in some cases, there may even be the fear of violence, which makes the situation more than uncomfortable — it makes it unsafe. Protecting your peace and safety is not selfish; it’s essential, even when the drinking is a sign of a troubled mind or trauma.

Why alcohol changes the atmosphere

Alcohol disrupts the brain’s balance between the prefrontal cortex (judgment and impulse control) and the limbic system (emotions and survival instincts). As alcohol levels rise:

Impulse control weakens → people say or do things they normally wouldn’t.
Emotions intensify → anger, sadness, or frustration can surface quickly.
Perception distorts → comments are misinterpreted, leading to unnecessary conflict.
Motor skills decline → clumsiness or aggression can escalate into unsafe behaviour.

This is why someone who seemed fine at the start of the evening can become unpredictable later.

Practical ways to stay grounded - coping with alcoholism

Step back without guilt: If things escalate, excuse yourself to another room or outside.
Anchor to your senses: Focus on something neutral — the flicker of candles, the sound of music, or the feel of your chair beneath you.
Set boundaries with care: If behaviour crosses the line, acknowledge its importance but defer it: “Yes, I get it let’s talk about this tomorrow so we can give it the space and time it needs.”
Have an ally: Arrange beforehand with a trusted person to step in or redirect the conversation if things get uncomfortable.
Redirect energy: Change the subject, bring attention to food, or suggest a group activity.

When fear of violence is present

If alcohol use in your family sometimes leads to aggression, coping must include practical safety measures.

Real‑life safety tips:

Know your exits: Be aware of how to leave quickly if needed.
Keep your phone close: Charged and accessible in case you need to call for help.
Use a code word: Agree with a trusted person on a phrase that signals you need support.
Stay near allies: Position yourself close to those you trust, not next to the person drinking heavily.
Trust instincts: If you feel unsafe, it’s okay to leave — even if it feels awkward.
Plan ahead: Arrange transport or accommodation so you’re not reliant on the person drinking.

Using body posture to diffuse tension

Words aren’t always enough — your body language can set the tone.

Open posture: Shoulders relaxed, arms uncrossed, gentle eye contact. Signals confidence and empathy.
Grounded stance: Feet planted, breathing steady. Shows calm and stability.
Gentle mirroring: Subtly reflect posture to build rapport and reduce defensiveness.
Controlled distance: Close enough to show engagement, far enough to stay safe.

This is a short‑term fix: posture can soften the atmosphere and keep someone “sweet” in the moment. But it’s not a long‑term solution. Alcohol‑fuelled behaviour needs boundaries and, in some cases, professional support.

Handling the drunk who won’t stop talking or is overly funny and annoying

Not every alcohol‑related issue is aggression — sometimes it’s relentless chatter or forced humour that drains the room.

Redirect politely: “That’s a good one — let’s hear from someone else too.”
Use group dynamics: “You reminded me — didn’t you have a story about that?”
Take short breaks: Excuse yourself briefly: “I’m just going to check on the food.”
Non‑verbal cues: Lean back, glance toward another person, or gently shift attention.
Balance humour: “You’re keeping us entertained tonight — let’s save some for tomorrow.”

These techniques don’t fix the drinking, but they protect the group’s energy and your own patience.

Why this matters

For you: Staying grounded protects your emotional state and keeps you from being pulled into chaos.
For the situation: Calmness often prevents arguments from spiralling. You don’t have to fix the person drinking — just protecting your own state can change the atmosphere.
Sometimes it can be helpful to remember that you do not know this persons full history of thoughts, experiences and feelings. There may be unresolved trauma, issues from childhood or a feeling that they were once weak. It doesn't make their behaviour right, but sometimes it can help you to understand.

Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect. It can simply be safe, calm, and neutral. Coping isn’t about ignoring problems; it’s about giving yourself the tools to stay steady and protect your well‑being.

✨ For further help and resources: