KILLING YOUR KIDS WITH KINDESS
- sara carson
- Jul 23
- 4 min read
How Seeking an Easier Path for Your Kids May Set Them Up for more harmful Long-Term Struggles
As parents, grandparents, and caregivers, we all want to make our children happy. We want them to feel loved, cared for, and satisfied. But sometimes, in our quest to make their lives easier and avoid their tantrums or complaints, we end up doing them a disservice. One of the most common ways this happens is through indulgence—giving in to the constant requests for sugary treats, fizzy drinks, and more screen time. But here’s the truth: we are literally killing our kids with kindness.
Pop, sweets, chocolate, and sugar-laden snacks seem harmless, don't they? It's easy to think that handing over a sugary snack or letting them have an extra hour of screen time is just a small act of kindness. In reality, it’s feeding a dangerous cycle. Every sugary treat or screen moment triggers a dopamine release in their brains, a quick hit of "feel-good" chemicals. But here's the kicker: the more you give in, the more you fuel this vicious cycle. You are helping your child build a dependency on dopamine—their brains start to crave it, just like an addiction.
The problem with this? The more sugar and artificial additives (like sweeteners, colours, and flavors) your child consumes, the more they demand it. Their need for a dopamine rush grows. This leads to hyperactivity, emotional outbursts, irritability, and, eventually, a lack of self-regulation. And that’s just the beginning. Their physical and mental health starts to deteriorate too. Mood swings, attention issues, and, in the long run, problems like obesity and diabetes are much more likely when children are fed a steady diet of junk food and excessive screen time. But it’s not just their health that suffers. Their behaviour, their ability to focus, and their emotional well-being all take a hit too.
And the scary part is - that once an addiction for that dopamine and adrenaline rush is set in the brain, it continues to search into adult hood, alcohol addiction and drug addiction or in the extreme, a need for violence or danger.
But it doesn’t end with just the sugar and artificial ingredients. When you constantly give in to your child’s demands for instant gratification, you’re not just feeding their bodies—you’re feeding their behavior. The more you hand them what they want, the more they feel entitled to it. You’re training them to rely on external sources of happiness rather than learning how to self-regulate and find joy from within. And this is where the real harm begins: the cycle of bad behavior, frustration, and anger. Their ability to cope with frustration weakens because they’re never given the opportunity to deal with it in a healthy way.
And here’s where it gets even more tricky. It’s not just you, as a parent, that’s enabling this cycle. It’s everyone around the child: grandparents, caregivers, relatives, even friends. If you, as the primary caregiver, are trying to set limits but everyone else is giving in—offering sweets or allowing too much screen time—you’re not showing a united front. And that’s where the real damage happens. Without consistency and unity, children begin to manipulate the situation, bouncing from one person to the next, knowing that someone will always give in. This creates confusion for the child and makes it even harder for them to learn boundaries, self-control, and the importance of saying "no" to the things that aren’t good for them.
True love is tough love. It's not always easy to say "no," and it might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but in the long term, it’s the best thing you can do for your child. It’s time to stop handing out instant gratification and start teaching your child the importance of delayed rewards, self-regulation, and balance. It’s time to take control of the situation. Everyone in the child's life—parents, grandparents, and caregivers—need to be on the same page. If one person keeps giving in, it undermines the work everyone else is trying to do. It’s vital that all adults involved work together to reinforce healthy habits, set consistent boundaries, and teach kids that true love is not about making their lives easier at every turn. It’s about preparing them for the challenges of life, helping them grow into well-adjusted, self-regulated adults.
Now, let’s talk about screen time, because it’s just as dangerous. Violent games and games that demand a child’s full attention for long periods of time can do more damage than most people realize. When you pull them away from these games, you’ll see frustration, anger, and emotional meltdowns. It’s not because they’re spoiled—it’s because their brains are addicted. The constant stimulation they get from these games creates frustration when they have to stop. And the worst part? Adults often give in because it’s easier than dealing with the meltdown that follows. But this just reinforces their addiction to screens and overstimulation.
So, what can you do? Say no. Stop giving in to the cycle of sugar, excessive screen time, and constant demands. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Create a healthy routine for your child—one that limits sugar, monitors screen time, and teaches the value of moderation. This is the tough love that shows you truly care.
The more you give in, the more you fuel a cycle of bad behaviour and constant dopamine chasing. The more they chase dopamine and adrenaline, the more likely they are to end up as addicts of something far worse as adults. The key is consistency, a united front, and healthy boundaries. The kindness you show by setting limits will be more beneficial to your child’s future than any treat or extra screen time. Because in the end, the kindest thing you can do is say no and mean it.
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