top of page
Search

Supporting someone after sexual trauma.

  • Jul 23
  • 5 min read

Sexual violence and abuse can affect anyone—regardless of age, background, gender, or life experience. It is something no one ever deserves, and for those who experience it, the impact can be profound and long-lasting.

If someone you care about has shared their story with you, it means they trust you—and that trust is a precious place to begin.

shattered dreams
shattered dreams

This guide offers gentle, heartfelt ways you can support them. It’s not about fixing things or having all the answers—it’s about showing up with care, and letting them know they’re not alone.


🌼 Understanding the Impact

Everyone reacts to trauma in their own way. Some may want to talk. Others may retreat inward. There’s no “right” way to feel after something like this—and no set timeline for healing.

Survivors may experience a wide range of emotions and challenges, including:

  • Feelings of sadness, fear, or anger

  • Flashbacks, nightmares, or trouble sleeping

  • Difficulty trusting others

  • Moments of disconnection or numbness

  • Changes in appetite, mood, or relationships

  • Feelings of shame, guilt, or confusion

  • Physical pain that has no clear medical cause

It’s important to remember: these responses are not weaknesses. They are natural ways the body and mind try to cope with something deeply painful.


💛 How You Can Offer Support


it can feel so alone
it can feel so alone

Believe Them

One of the most healing things you can say is, “I believe you.” Survivors often fear they won’t be taken seriously or will be blamed. Your belief can help build the foundation of their healing.


Be a Steady Presence

You don’t need to have perfect words. Just being there, listening without judgement, is incredibly powerful. Let them guide how much they want to share, and when.


Respect Their Space

Some days may be harder than others. Respect their needs, even if they change from day to day. Healing can be messy and non-linear—try to meet them where they are, not where you think they should be.


Let Them Lead

Support them in making their own choices, whether it's seeking counselling, taking a walk, or doing something ordinary. Trauma can take away a sense of control. Helping them regain that gently is a quiet but powerful act of care.


Be Gentle with Intimacy

If you’re a partner, understand that physical closeness may feel different for a while. Let them know it’s okay to set boundaries. Cuddles, holding hands, or just sitting quietly together may feel safer than anything else right now—and that’s okay. Go at their pace.


ree

🌙 What Not to Do

  • Try not to give advice or make decisions for them.

  • Avoid asking for details they may not be ready to share.

  • Don’t tell them how they “should” feel or what they “should” do.

  • Never blame, question, or doubt them.

  • If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t lean on them—find someone safe to talk to yourself (you matter too).


🌱 Looking After Yourself

Being a support to someone in pain can take a toll on your heart too. You might feel sadness, anger, helplessness—or just emotionally tired.

Make space for your own needs. Talk to someone you trust. Take breaks. Do things that bring you peace and help you feel grounded. You deserve care and rest too.

Supporting someone else doesn’t mean you have to forget about your own wellbeing. In fact, looking after yourself helps you stay steady and present for them.


🌸 Gently Unpacking the Myths

There are still many misunderstandings about sexual abuse. Here are a few gentle reminders:

  • Most survivors know the person who harmed them—it’s rarely a stranger.

  • Abuse can happen to anyone, anywhere, regardless of who they are.

  • Not fighting back does not mean someone consented. Freezing or going quiet is a natural trauma response.

  • False accusations are extremely rare—survivors deserve to be believed.

  • Even if someone experiences arousal during abuse, it does not mean they wanted it. That’s a biological response, not consent.

  • Sex workers can be raped. Everyone has the right to say “no,” always.

It’s okay if these truths are new or surprising. What matters most is listening, learning, and keeping an open heart.


ree

🕊 Final Thoughts

You don’t have to be a therapist to make a difference. You just have to be kind, consistent, and willing to listen. Supporting someone after sexual trauma is about offering safety—not solutions.

Let them know: You believe them. You’re here. You’re not going anywhere.

That, in itself, can be the beginning of healing.

 

0745 331 5549

 

 

 

NAPAC (the National Association for People Abused in Childhood)

For adult survivors of any form of child abuse

Helpline: 0808 801 0331

SurvivorsUK

National helpline for any man, boy or non-binary person who has ever experienced unwanted sexual activity

Text chat: 0203 5983898

MOSAC (Mothers of Sexually Abused Children)

For non-abusing parents and carers whose children have been sexually abused

Helpline: 0800 980 1958 or 020 8293 9990

Website: Mosac

SupportLine

Confidential emotional support to children, young adults and adults by telephone, email and post.

Helpline: 01708 765200

CIS’ters

A peer-based organisation that offers adult females, who as female children were sexually abused within a family environment, the opportunity to join CIS’ters as a member.

Helpline: 023 80 338080

Website: CIS’ters

Safeline

Tailored support for anyone affected by or at risk of sexual abuse and rape.

National Male Survivor Helpline & Online Support: 0808 800 5005

Self-Injury Support

A UK-wide multi-channel support service for women & girls affected by self-injury, trauma and abuse.

Women’s Self Injury Helpline: 0808 800 8088 (UK-wide)

Samaritans

Provides a 24-hour a day confidential service offering emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Helpline: 116 123

Refuge

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247

Berkshire Women’s Aid

Provides support to victims of domestic abuse in Reading, Bracknell, Wokingham and the surrounding areas.

Helpline: 0808 801 0882

The Survivors Trust

A national umbrella agency for over 130 specialist voluntary sector agencies throughout the UK and Ireland providing a range of services for anyone affected by rape, sexual violence and sexual abuse.

National helpline: 08088 010 818

Childline

A counselling service for children and young people up to their 19th birthday in the UK provided by the NSPCC

National helpline: 0800 1111

Website: Childline

Rape Crisis England & Wales

A national organisation working to end sexual violence and abuse and a membership organisation for 39 Rape Crisis centres.

National helpline: 0808 500 2222

Survivors Manchester

A survivor-focused organisation that aims to create and facilitate safe spaces for male (including trans and non-binary individuals) survivors of sexual abuse, rape and sexual exploitation across Greater Manchester.

Support line: 0808 500 2222

Victim Support

An independent charity dedicated to supporting victims of crime and traumatic incidents in England and Wales.

Support line: 08 08 16 89 111

Website: Victim Support

Papyrus Young Suicide Prevention

A UK charity dedicated to the prevention of suicide and the promotion of positive mental health and emotional wellbeing in young people.

HopelineUK: 0800 068 4141

Text: 07860 039967

Mankind

For male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence across the UK.

National helpline: 01823 334244

 

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page